Riding the Wonder Horse

We had a ceremony on Brown Parade Field at 0700 this morning. I had elected to ride Apache which is always an ordeal but he needed the experience. There were only five of us but all the other horses were old hands at this and were relatively good. Not my horse. He began pawing at the ground as soon as we got into formation. First one hoof, then the other. Then he'd shake his head up and down for a while and try to rub his head on the neighboring horses. Once in a while he would try and chew on my saber or the saber of the guy next to me. He never stopped moving.

After a while, he started to calm down a little then something new happened. We were on the left end of a long formation of troops. The ceremony called for ripple commands which means the commander of the unit on the extreme right shouts his command, followed by the next unit to the left, and so on down the line. From Apache's perspective this meant that something loud was quickly advancing toward him. He tried to turn and back out of the formation which was bumping the other horses and pissing them off. Then, the worst happened. I had a guidon boot on my right stirrup as a matter of habit (or because I'm too lazy to swap out stirrups when I'm not carrying the guidon). Suddenly, I noticed that the saber scabbard of the guy next to me got stuck in the socket of my guidon boot. I tried to back up slightly which usually solves problems like this but the damned thing wouldn't come out. We were at parade rest so my saber was out and in my right hand. As the ripple commands advance down the line, I knew I had only seconds before I had to bring my saber up in salute. Finally, I grabbed the stuck scabbard with my left hand and jerked it out of the socket just in time to make the salute.

After a seemingly endless ceremony, we finally began to move into position for the pistol charge. Brown Parade Field is about 400 yards long and has a relatively steep grade to it. We always charge uphill as charging downhill can get you into trouble. There is a road that runs all the way around the field. At the bottom end of the field is a stone wall whose top is flush with the field but drops down about four feet to the road. Charging that direction can result in your horse launching off the wall into the road if he doesn't stop in time. At the high end of the field, the road is flush with the field so it isn't so traumatic if your horse runs out. However, also at the high end of the field are a number of trees and a large stone gazebo. Most of the time our horses stop prior to the gazebo and we rally in the trees.

Apache had no clue what he was supposed to do when we formed up for the charge. We had gone down the field in a column of twos and drew pistols. We executed a counter column movement and then spread out into a skirmish line facing up the field. Or at least, that was the intent. Apache immediately had a psychotic episode and began spinning around in a circle and shaking his head. I was prepared for him to rear up but he never did. As I was spinning I noticed one of the other troopers was having trouble with his horse also but, unfortunately, he elected to put his finger inside the trigger guard. Thus, while his horse was jumping around he fired off a round before the charge began (no one was hurt and the trooper was subsequently levied a beverage fine by the First Sergeant). Eventually, most of the horses began to gallop up the field--except Apache who was still busy spinning in a circle. Suddenly he noticed the other horses were leaving and decided he should catch them. Off we went at a speed slightly less than the speed of sound. Because of our late start, we got caught in the cannon discharge. It was one of those rare days when I actually heard the cannon during a charge. I quickly fired off all my rounds and enjoyed the ride for a few seconds and then, at about mid field, began the business of stopping the Wonder Horse. With my pistol now empty, I was able to safely put both hands on the reins and haul back with everything I had. We sailed through the trees and past the gazebo and were heading toward a line of marching troops that had just left the field. Finally, I began to feel Apache's energy bleed off and was able to stop him without maiming anyone. I think I strained about three different muscle groups in the process of doing this.

Which reminds me, I need to go take some Motrin. God I love this job.